Invasion of privacy--above and beyond

Anyone who picks up The Private Writings of the "Saint of Calcutta" has to wonder how Mother Teresa would view becoming a hot topic ten years after her death. The 2007 book was edited and published by the priest who is serving as postulator of the Cause of Beatification and Canonization of Mother Teresa of Calcutta. The reason given for the publication is to show the "depth and intensity of her holiness."

But many of the passages are from letters sent to her spiritual advisers and, while they are not protected as private under the sacred right of confession, she constantly begged her spiritual directors to destroy the correspondence. The letters show her confusion, pain, and sense of desolation, and many were written at the suggestion of her superiors. It is understandable why she not want her deepest thoughts known. And why she would expect repeated requests to be honored.

The purpose of the book is to show the mystical nature of her faith and devotion to service. When I started to post this blog, I was going to quote some of these dark passages. However, reading them again I decided that her wish for privacy should be respected.

Let your light shine

One of the best human traits is the longing for fulfillment. We aspire to achieve. We strive to reach new heights. This allows us to change the world. But this longing is troublesome when fear or doubts interfere with our yearnings. Life experience may have taught that it's better to play safe. Habitual thoughts, fear, or conflict can keep us in the shadows.

So how can we move into the light? The answer is different for each individual, but a great way to start is through creative expression. A fresh, authentic approach is needed. For artists, creativity may be inborn. The rest of us can learn how to tap into the source of creativity. Any of the arts can help, but in this blog we concentrate on writing.

Expressive writing has many benefits. Journals and diaries can remain private, so there is no need to worry about letting go and making a full, honest disclosure. The ideas are fixed on paper or other storage media, making them visible as long as we want. We can go back to them later. See what we expressed when it was especially meaningful to do so. We can see patterns and progress. If necessary, we can take the inner thoughts to a trusted counselor to get help with the process of discovery and wellbeing. Writing is a great way to face and then understand problems, so we can discover way to move forward -- into the light.

Anonymous Author

I don’t know who the author was; I don’t really want to. It seems appropriate that the author of “The Devil Invents Breast Cancer” remains anonymous.

I was looking through the notebooks I put together for the therapeutic support group at the local cancer center and came across the essay that another patient handed to me. It is impossible to pass the page containing this essay without stopping to reread it.

The writer, a breast cancer patient, wrote a creative essay about a meeting she envisioned taking place between the Devil and his demons. In it, Satan and his subordinates plotted ways to make modern women aware of the Devil’s existence—the solution they devised was breast cancer. They gleefully approved all the physical assaults that accompany aggressive treatment. Many professional authors would envy this writer; perhaps she is a professional writer. The irony of her work comes from a sophisticated, yet resigned awareness. She contrasts what happens with what should be. The pathos is controlled. The moral of the story builds without sentimentality. The author points out women lose control of their bodies; their hair falls out; they are unable to do things for their families. But the Devil fails when bonds with loved ones are strengthened, and the love they value most increases.

The author deserves accolades for creating this moving essay. But that was not the point. The point was personal healing. And writing privately then sharing with only a select few accomplishes everything the author set out to do.

Dear Cancer

Lately I've read a number of letters written to you, many of them angry. I also corresponded with an ad agency person who thought he might put up a website that collected 'dear cancer' letters. Personally, I think that sort of letter is better kept private. Not that posting the details of illness or anger are a problem; people do it all the time. But emotional writing done privately has been shown to be more therapeutic. Coming to terms one-on-one is the real goal. If someone writes for publication, are they being completely open and honest in the disclosure? It has to be hard, nearly impossible, to ignore what others will think. How others might react. The writer inevitably has to write with readers in mind.

Having cancer demands a new level of openness. The real disclosing happens between the disease and the survivor. Learning to overcome the notion 'I have cancer' is something that takes place between mind, body, and spirit, not over the Internet. Not on posts. Not in blogs. It happens like handwritten letters used to, slowly, through a concerted effort.

Come with me, Cancer. You and I have a few things to discuss....

Bring Forth What is Within You

The Gospel of Thomas, from the Nag Hammadi Library, advises us to access the spirit within. Saying number 70 tell us:

"When you bring forth that which is within yourselves, this that you have shall save you. If you do not have that within yourselves, this which you do not have within you will kill you." (English translation by Ecumenical Coptic Project.)

Another translation by Thomas O. Lambdin: "That which you have will save you if you bring it forth from yourselves. That which you do not have within you will kill you if you do not have it within you."

The original work, the translations and commentaries are meant to be taken in a spiritual sense. They teach that salvation is within us. What religion does not recognize a divine presence within humankind? And what religion doesn't bring forth what's inside? None of them would exist if members didn't express the joy and redemption in prayer, song, and the written word.

But let's take saying number 70 one step further. Let's connect our spiritual sides with the emotional and the physical. Expressing -- or bringing forth -- what is within us can also save us emotionally and physically. What we resist persists, but giving the inner being a means to express itself is associated with healing and quality of life. And what life is meaningful without defining and expressing its worth by speaking, singing, and writing?

Pick up a pen or pencil and write a list of five traits you have that make life worth living. Embrace these facets of your personality by defining them. Writing down their meaning reinforces their value and makes them a larger part of your life experience.

The Journaling Buzz

Millions of blogs fight for readership. Thousands of writers create new ones every day. Not here. I don’t know how many hits my blog gets and don’t care. The purpose I have is not to make my writing stand out. My real audience is only one person. Yep, where I journal it’s all about me. The rest of the world’s bloggers have a daunting task, but I don’t strive to stand out in the crowd. My goal in writing is to stand away from the crowd. To write for myself. In fact, privacy is so important that the real writing takes place in a secluded spot, gets entered into a book, and then tucked away in a special place. When some problem keeps me awake at night or worries me in ways that interfere with more important things, I hash out the difficulty on the page. I use an archaic implement — a pen. By defining the problem, I deal with it. By putting it down on paper without outside influences or goals, the real purpose is served. I rest easier and find the energy to go out and create, not a buzz, but a real life.

Flexible and Healthy

I recently discovered The Resiliency Center, directed by Al Siebert, PhD. His website shows the results of his research, and he tells us that "life's best survivors value being flexible, resilient, and adaptable above any other quality."

It's not easy to be flexible. But Dr. Siebert tells us that is healthy to not to be rigid. He recommends that we cultivate paradoxical traits. To me, his advice translates into replacing the conjunction "but" with "and."

The power of and means uniting desirable traits normally viewed as separate. It means making connections no one else is making. For example, it requires us to see where suffering and joy intersect. (A life designed to maximize joy is much different from one that is meant to minimize pain.) If we think about it for a while, the two experiences often come together. Hopefully with joy as the second outcome.

Here are some other contradictions that are related in ways not immediately apparent:

• Poor and Wealthy
• Demanding and Caring
• Committed and Flexible
• Idealistic and Practical
• Passionate and Prudent
• Emotional and Rational
• Being and Doing
• Success and Fulfillment
• Individual and Inclusive
• Rigorous and Fun
• Transformed and Grounded
• Physical and Spiritual
• Chronically Ill and Well

Dr. Siebert reveals that "Paradoxical traits are, at the psychological level, like the opposing muscles in your body that contract and extend. Your ability to control how you move and react comes from being at the choice point between counter-balanced forces." His instructions to people who want to cultivate flexibility is to write a list "of all the ways in which you are both one way and the opposite. The more the pairs of opposites the better. Validate opposing qualities. Tell yourself, for example, ‘It is all right to be both optimistic and pessimistic.’”

To that I would add that the process of looking for ways to be flexible and defining them in ways that are personally meaningful are a healthy step everyone should take.

Write an Affirmation

Affirmations can help change beliefs that have persisted for a long time. Writing an affirmation reinforces it. Repeating it to oneself can build and improve positive qualities. Affirmations function like cruise control on a car. Whether we’re up or down emotionally, an affirmation can move us forward.

Affirmations are stated in the presence tense, even if the statement is not yet true. To say “I will” puts a goal off to an undetermined time in the future. The present tense is more effective.

Here are some examples:

• I am worthy of the good things in life.
  
• I attract warm and loving people into my life.
• I am filled with joy and laughter.
• I am lovable.

Affirmations have many uses and come in as many forms as people have needs and desires. When used daily, they help keep thoughts positive and build qualities we wish to have. Take a few moments to write down three affirmations you could use in your life. Keep them simple. Whatever keeps you going in the right direction toward a goal is valid. Use them to counteract doubts.

Check out the Secret secrets

Last night I watched the Secret DVD. I would have to rate it five out of five stars for pacing, punch and plot. I won’t give away that plot however, because the lure of the DVD is that the world’s most influential people have known and used the secret for centuries. People who are interested should check out their website. http://www.thesecret.tv/home.html Any group with the confidence to advertise a new era for mankind deserves a few minutes, or hours or days of time.

I especially like the emphasis they give to writing down a list of “gratitude” and “thankful for.” Many people have been saying for many years that each of us is the author of our destiny, but few have said it so well.

I Prefer to Be—

One study about expressive writing randomly assigned participants to four different groups. People wrote 20 minutes a day for four days about:

1. a non-emotional control topic
2. a life trauma
3. their best possible future selves
4. both a trauma (the first two days) and their best possible future (the last two days.)

For the best possible self assignment, people were instructed to think about their futures as the realization of all their life dreams. At the end of the study researchers found that writing about one’s best possible self was associated with a significant increase in positive mood. Individuals who wrote about their best possible selves were also significantly higher in psychological wellbeing three weeks after the study was completed. Five months afterward, the best possible self group had the lowest number of visits to the doctor. Even the trauma only group and the combination group had significantly lower health visits than the control group.

So I tried it. What I wish for myself is potent and seductive. Taken seriously, the blend between wishing and reality begins to blur. The preferred self plans a bright future.

Then the skeptical part of the brain objects. “Wishing is not enough. A fervent desire of the heart cannot change one’s circumstance.”

But it can. And it does. Writing down one’s fervent hopes helps them to become part of a life experience. Hope is more concrete—just look at the page. Defining desire in words makes it easier to act upon.

Excuse me. I’ve got to go now. Got to write down what I want and then find ways to make it come true.

Serenity

The magic of my first books helped get me started down the journaling path. Magical moments came early in life when Uncle Red sat down with my older sister and me for story time when we were just toddlers. I don’t recall what books he read, but the impression was deep and lasting. Then when I learned to read for myself any place in the world became part of my life experience.

Whatever people remember about their first books, they are powerful pathways, not just to learning but to our emotional lives. Stories help us adjust to bad times, get past them. Find some benefit. This process is even more powerful when we write our own stories. The process of finding the language to define experience stirs the senses and affects us in positive ways. Journaling has application in many aspects of life—from romance to health. Writing one’s life history even helps to understand our feelings about money and why we make the financial choices we do. Consider the blogs shown at:

http://womensfinancialserenity.blogspot.com/

Fond Memories
This week I received the invitation to a high school reunion. I’m not going to be able to attend, and I’m sorry that I’m not. The people on the committee have gone to a great deal of trouble and have given some thought to ways to span the years and bring classmates back together. One of the things they did was send around questionnaires that asked us to recall fond high school memories. How cool is that? Writing about the good experiences is a wonderful way to peel back the years. Writing the answer gave me something to laugh about.

I filled out my questionnaire by saying: In second year Latin class, Jennifer had a difficult time translating Cesar out loud. (Didn’t we all?) Miss Brown [the teacher] did not offer to help; she just let Jennifer struggle. Jennifer hemmed and hawed but didn’t know the right verb. Finally she ended the torture and blurted out something like, “…and the soldiers rose from the dead!”

Miss Brown expelled a blast of air, bit her lip, but then started to giggle. Once started, she couldn’t stop. She listed to the side and almost fell off her chair from laughing. The picture of Miss Brown rumbling with laughter, tilted thirty-degrees starboard has stayed with me all these years. (Other than that, did anyone ever see Miss Brown smile?)

It was fun to write, even better to recall those carefree times. Before I opened the questionnaire, the day had seemed frustrating. Afterward, I felt better. I remembered Jennifer’s confusion as part of the common humanity that connects us all.

Morning consitutional

This morning the sky overhead was totally clear, and; the full moon was totally cool. My morning walk took me out the door at 6:12 a.m. when the moon was still full in the west and the eastern horizon was just starting to blush. Choosing which way to turn was a difficult decision. I could howl at the moon or watch the sky put on a morning coat. At one point near a park I stopped and turned back and forth, west to east and east to west. Moon Sun. Sun Moon. It was hard to start walking again and much easier to wait for the universe to make the first move.

Dear Temporal Lobes:

I recently read that writing lights up the temporal lobes of the brain, and that the physiology involved in the processes of defining thought and putting it down in writing uses different areas of brain than those employed for speech and listening. The article went on to say that the temporal lobes seem to have more direct connections with the emotional centers of the brain. The inference was that writing allows one to access emotion in ways that are different, and in some ways or in some instances, superior to talking.

So—good morning, Temporal Lobes. What are you feeling today? Do the next moments, hours and days seem hopeful? The rest of the mind needs to get involved soon. There are many calls to make and people to persuade. But for now, let’s spend a quiet time together, seeing what might burble up from below. (Pause) Yes, I see. The problems are great, but, you’re right. The power to imagine is also the power to solve. Creativity and writing are the ways forward. Thanks again. We’ll get together again soon.

Best wishes, Georgiann

The Value of Monologues

What does it mean to heal oneself through journaling? Do the words have to be exceptional? In one sense they do—healing happens when people yield to honest emotions. Self-healing doesn’t mean performing extraordinary feats or putting on a brave face. In fact, compliance, conformity, self-sacrifice, denial of hostility or anger, and non-expression of emotion seem to be related to poor health. Long-term studies are underway and suggest the personality traits that actively enhance longevity are a sense of meaning and purpose in life, a sense of personal responsibility for one’s health, an ability to express one’s needs and emotions while maintaining a sense of humor.

In his book, Peace, Love & Healing, Dr. Bernie S. Siegel gives many suggestions for ways to stay well or get better if you’re not well to begin with; one of his prescriptions is: “Do things that bring you a sense of fulfillment, joy, and purpose, that validate your worth. See you life as your own creation, and strive to make it a positive one.” If you accept the value of his statement, journaling can help by allowing you to explore your own sense of fulfillment free from outside influences. Writing solely for oneself voices the internal monologues. Write about the best possible outcome for your situation. Don’t worry about whether it is practical or immediately attainable. Assume the role of a scientist and research what works best for you. Put your explorations down on paper or on a computer. Write down the inner ramblings, trust your instincts, and become more aware of what truly makes life worthwhile. No one else can define “joy, truth, or love” for you. Finding the words to express those values is one prescription each of us should write for ourselves.

Elegy at the Death of a Friend

My thoughts drop off.

Logic’s loops unwrap.

Half-drunk beverages litter the house.

My thoughts fall off an emotional cliff.

My mind cannot grasp the idea.

Writing becomes self-healing when it taps into emotions

In our writing workshop it continually happens that people find things out about themselves by writing. We provide a writing topic each month, but we always leave the door open for the subconscious mind to bring up issues that are percolating beneath the surface. The topics we write about are like incentives. We give the mind permission to open up to the hand — and (with a little practice) people find that the heart also gets involved. They uncover wonderful, challenging things that they did not realize before they wrote about them.

People find themselves writing about:

• Something that they are thinking or worrying about too much
• Something that they are dreaming about
• Something that they feel is affecting their lives in an unhealthy way
• Something that they have been avoiding for days, weeks, or years

When this happens, writing becomes self-healing.

Dear Cancer Patient,

I am sorry about your diagnosis. Everyone who goes through cancer treatment has a different experience. I cannot understand all of what you are going through but can relate to some of it. The last five years have not been easy for me either. Seven surgeries, nonexistent white blood cell count, two courses of chemotherapy and resulting heart damage have made me an expert—not about cancer—but about myself.

What has helped me survive an aggressive form of the disease? Good question. I was diagnosed before the latest advances that allow doctors to know immediately whether chemotherapy is working. So the doctors took their best guess, gave me a chance to fight back, and I went along with the decisions, not particularly confident of the outcome.

The “sinking in” of the possibility that I could have died has come back recently with the diagnosis of cancers affecting two close family members. They have aggressive forms of the disease too. Will they make it? Nothing is certain.

The immune system is the police and border guard for the body. It seeks and destroys invaders. A cancer is a mutation, and by the time a cell is cancerous it is identifiable as different from the rest of the body. By rights, no one should get cancer and yet we do, because the immune system gets switched off by environmental factors or as a response to unrelieved stress. Obviously my policing system was not working well. The important part of that sentence is: that was in the past. Lately, the immune police have returned to duty.

Ultimately the power to survive comes after the aggressive medical treatment. The “adjunct” therapies are what pushed me onto the road toward survivorship. After the initial shock and after the doctors had done their best to knock down the cancer, I was able to link mind and body and spirit. Somehow I tapped into the power the mind has to heal the body. My body parts demanded permission to be sick. I told them they also had the power to get better.

Items known to be self-healing include: yoga, therapeutic writing, tai chi, acupuncture, social support, stillness meditation, hypnosis, and guided imagery. What is important for each patient is to explore what techniques work best for him or her. My solution arrived in several separate shipments. I investigated therapeutic writing first then yoga. Later on I learned all I could about meditation, guided imagery and medical hypnosis. Which technique saved my life? The answer can only be: my exploration of the possibilities.

Simplicity

Arrange for some time to sit quietly in a place of refuge. Allow yourself to become calm and attentive, using breath to settle yourself in your body and heart.

Then in a gentle way review your current life. Bring to mind each of several areas, including work, your relationships or family, your finances, your leisure, your possessions, your goals, your spiritual life. One by one, as each area comes to mind, ask yourself the following questions: What would it be like to simplify this part of my life? What could I let go easily? What could I do to make this part of my life more quiet and simple?

Write about the choices that arise from within. At first, jot them down without censoring or editing. For now, just capture them on paper. Allow a great many ideas to emerge.

Later go back to read what you wrote. Notice which ideas feel comfortable and which feel difficult or frightening. The object is not to change anything immediately. In this moment you are simply noting where you desire more simplicity in your life and where this is possible. How can you make room for simplicity? Take the time to become aware of what steps you might take then make a resolution to make changes.

Reinforce the notion that simplicity is possible by choosing one idea and actually putting it into place. As you change your attitudes about your habits and lifestyle, it becomes easier to simplify.

Engage both sides of your brain

There is one writing technique that deserves a column of its own, and that is putting the pen or pencil in your non-dominant hand. When I first say that, people look at me funny. They say something like, ‘It’s hard to write that way and defeats the purpose of trying to get your emotions down on paper.’

But the purpose of therapeutic journaling is to help you understand how to look at life in new ways. If writing with the wrong hand is too hard at first, start out by doing other things that you don't normally do with your non-dominant hand. Brushing your teeth, eating lunch, dialing the telephone, flipping a coin, etc... By exercising both hands you are giving the opposite side of your brain a chance to perform. A right-handed person will always be using the left side of their brain and the other side will never get a chance to learn how to do certain activities. Allowing the non-dominate side of the brain to do activities it doesn't normally do will quickly create all sorts of new associations in that part of the mind. This is an easy exercise, and it has excellent results.

And so it is with journaling, it is an opportunity to find talents, joys and sorrows that were deeply covered over by the habits of a lifetime. Give yourself permission to go inside. You may be surprised by what you find if you open yourselves to the process.

Remember to trust your instincts too. At first, you may find that writing makes you feel worse, but do not get caught in a spiral of self-pity. If writing does not provide benefits or solutions, seek guidance from a doctor or professional counselor. Journaling is not a substitute for medical treatment. It is a method of self-help that has helped many people in a wide variety of situations.

In future posts, I will explore other writing methods.