Flexible and Healthy

I recently discovered The Resiliency Center, directed by Al Siebert, PhD. His website shows the results of his research, and he tells us that "life's best survivors value being flexible, resilient, and adaptable above any other quality."

It's not easy to be flexible. But Dr. Siebert tells us that is healthy to not to be rigid. He recommends that we cultivate paradoxical traits. To me, his advice translates into replacing the conjunction "but" with "and."

The power of and means uniting desirable traits normally viewed as separate. It means making connections no one else is making. For example, it requires us to see where suffering and joy intersect. (A life designed to maximize joy is much different from one that is meant to minimize pain.) If we think about it for a while, the two experiences often come together. Hopefully with joy as the second outcome.

Here are some other contradictions that are related in ways not immediately apparent:

• Poor and Wealthy
• Demanding and Caring
• Committed and Flexible
• Idealistic and Practical
• Passionate and Prudent
• Emotional and Rational
• Being and Doing
• Success and Fulfillment
• Individual and Inclusive
• Rigorous and Fun
• Transformed and Grounded
• Physical and Spiritual
• Chronically Ill and Well

Dr. Siebert reveals that "Paradoxical traits are, at the psychological level, like the opposing muscles in your body that contract and extend. Your ability to control how you move and react comes from being at the choice point between counter-balanced forces." His instructions to people who want to cultivate flexibility is to write a list "of all the ways in which you are both one way and the opposite. The more the pairs of opposites the better. Validate opposing qualities. Tell yourself, for example, ‘It is all right to be both optimistic and pessimistic.’”

To that I would add that the process of looking for ways to be flexible and defining them in ways that are personally meaningful are a healthy step everyone should take.

Write an Affirmation

Affirmations can help change beliefs that have persisted for a long time. Writing an affirmation reinforces it. Repeating it to oneself can build and improve positive qualities. Affirmations function like cruise control on a car. Whether we’re up or down emotionally, an affirmation can move us forward.

Affirmations are stated in the presence tense, even if the statement is not yet true. To say “I will” puts a goal off to an undetermined time in the future. The present tense is more effective.

Here are some examples:

• I am worthy of the good things in life.
  
• I attract warm and loving people into my life.
• I am filled with joy and laughter.
• I am lovable.

Affirmations have many uses and come in as many forms as people have needs and desires. When used daily, they help keep thoughts positive and build qualities we wish to have. Take a few moments to write down three affirmations you could use in your life. Keep them simple. Whatever keeps you going in the right direction toward a goal is valid. Use them to counteract doubts.

I Prefer to Be—

One study about expressive writing randomly assigned participants to four different groups. People wrote 20 minutes a day for four days about:

1. a non-emotional control topic
2. a life trauma
3. their best possible future selves
4. both a trauma (the first two days) and their best possible future (the last two days.)

For the best possible self assignment, people were instructed to think about their futures as the realization of all their life dreams. At the end of the study researchers found that writing about one’s best possible self was associated with a significant increase in positive mood. Individuals who wrote about their best possible selves were also significantly higher in psychological wellbeing three weeks after the study was completed. Five months afterward, the best possible self group had the lowest number of visits to the doctor. Even the trauma only group and the combination group had significantly lower health visits than the control group.

So I tried it. What I wish for myself is potent and seductive. Taken seriously, the blend between wishing and reality begins to blur. The preferred self plans a bright future.

Then the skeptical part of the brain objects. “Wishing is not enough. A fervent desire of the heart cannot change one’s circumstance.”

But it can. And it does. Writing down one’s fervent hopes helps them to become part of a life experience. Hope is more concrete—just look at the page. Defining desire in words makes it easier to act upon.

Excuse me. I’ve got to go now. Got to write down what I want and then find ways to make it come true.

Serenity

The magic of my first books helped get me started down the journaling path. Magical moments came early in life when Uncle Red sat down with my older sister and me for story time when we were just toddlers. I don’t recall what books he read, but the impression was deep and lasting. Then when I learned to read for myself any place in the world became part of my life experience.

Whatever people remember about their first books, they are powerful pathways, not just to learning but to our emotional lives. Stories help us adjust to bad times, get past them. Find some benefit. This process is even more powerful when we write our own stories. The process of finding the language to define experience stirs the senses and affects us in positive ways. Journaling has application in many aspects of life—from romance to health. Writing one’s life history even helps to understand our feelings about money and why we make the financial choices we do. Consider the blogs shown at:

http://womensfinancialserenity.blogspot.com/

Fond Memories
This week I received the invitation to a high school reunion. I’m not going to be able to attend, and I’m sorry that I’m not. The people on the committee have gone to a great deal of trouble and have given some thought to ways to span the years and bring classmates back together. One of the things they did was send around questionnaires that asked us to recall fond high school memories. How cool is that? Writing about the good experiences is a wonderful way to peel back the years. Writing the answer gave me something to laugh about.

I filled out my questionnaire by saying: In second year Latin class, Jennifer had a difficult time translating Cesar out loud. (Didn’t we all?) Miss Brown [the teacher] did not offer to help; she just let Jennifer struggle. Jennifer hemmed and hawed but didn’t know the right verb. Finally she ended the torture and blurted out something like, “…and the soldiers rose from the dead!”

Miss Brown expelled a blast of air, bit her lip, but then started to giggle. Once started, she couldn’t stop. She listed to the side and almost fell off her chair from laughing. The picture of Miss Brown rumbling with laughter, tilted thirty-degrees starboard has stayed with me all these years. (Other than that, did anyone ever see Miss Brown smile?)

It was fun to write, even better to recall those carefree times. Before I opened the questionnaire, the day had seemed frustrating. Afterward, I felt better. I remembered Jennifer’s confusion as part of the common humanity that connects us all.

Morning consitutional

This morning the sky overhead was totally clear, and; the full moon was totally cool. My morning walk took me out the door at 6:12 a.m. when the moon was still full in the west and the eastern horizon was just starting to blush. Choosing which way to turn was a difficult decision. I could howl at the moon or watch the sky put on a morning coat. At one point near a park I stopped and turned back and forth, west to east and east to west. Moon Sun. Sun Moon. It was hard to start walking again and much easier to wait for the universe to make the first move.

Dear Temporal Lobes:

I recently read that writing lights up the temporal lobes of the brain, and that the physiology involved in the processes of defining thought and putting it down in writing uses different areas of brain than those employed for speech and listening. The article went on to say that the temporal lobes seem to have more direct connections with the emotional centers of the brain. The inference was that writing allows one to access emotion in ways that are different, and in some ways or in some instances, superior to talking.

So—good morning, Temporal Lobes. What are you feeling today? Do the next moments, hours and days seem hopeful? The rest of the mind needs to get involved soon. There are many calls to make and people to persuade. But for now, let’s spend a quiet time together, seeing what might burble up from below. (Pause) Yes, I see. The problems are great, but, you’re right. The power to imagine is also the power to solve. Creativity and writing are the ways forward. Thanks again. We’ll get together again soon.

Best wishes, Georgiann

Elegy at the Death of a Friend

My thoughts drop off.

Logic’s loops unwrap.

Half-drunk beverages litter the house.

My thoughts fall off an emotional cliff.

My mind cannot grasp the idea.

Writing becomes self-healing when it taps into emotions

In our writing workshop it continually happens that people find things out about themselves by writing. We provide a writing topic each month, but we always leave the door open for the subconscious mind to bring up issues that are percolating beneath the surface. The topics we write about are like incentives. We give the mind permission to open up to the hand — and (with a little practice) people find that the heart also gets involved. They uncover wonderful, challenging things that they did not realize before they wrote about them.

People find themselves writing about:

• Something that they are thinking or worrying about too much
• Something that they are dreaming about
• Something that they feel is affecting their lives in an unhealthy way
• Something that they have been avoiding for days, weeks, or years

When this happens, writing becomes self-healing.

Dear Cancer Patient,

I am sorry about your diagnosis. Everyone who goes through cancer treatment has a different experience. I cannot understand all of what you are going through but can relate to some of it. The last five years have not been easy for me either. Seven surgeries, nonexistent white blood cell count, two courses of chemotherapy and resulting heart damage have made me an expert—not about cancer—but about myself.

What has helped me survive an aggressive form of the disease? Good question. I was diagnosed before the latest advances that allow doctors to know immediately whether chemotherapy is working. So the doctors took their best guess, gave me a chance to fight back, and I went along with the decisions, not particularly confident of the outcome.

The “sinking in” of the possibility that I could have died has come back recently with the diagnosis of cancers affecting two close family members. They have aggressive forms of the disease too. Will they make it? Nothing is certain.

The immune system is the police and border guard for the body. It seeks and destroys invaders. A cancer is a mutation, and by the time a cell is cancerous it is identifiable as different from the rest of the body. By rights, no one should get cancer and yet we do, because the immune system gets switched off by environmental factors or as a response to unrelieved stress. Obviously my policing system was not working well. The important part of that sentence is: that was in the past. Lately, the immune police have returned to duty.

Ultimately the power to survive comes after the aggressive medical treatment. The “adjunct” therapies are what pushed me onto the road toward survivorship. After the initial shock and after the doctors had done their best to knock down the cancer, I was able to link mind and body and spirit. Somehow I tapped into the power the mind has to heal the body. My body parts demanded permission to be sick. I told them they also had the power to get better.

Items known to be self-healing include: yoga, therapeutic writing, tai chi, acupuncture, social support, stillness meditation, hypnosis, and guided imagery. What is important for each patient is to explore what techniques work best for him or her. My solution arrived in several separate shipments. I investigated therapeutic writing first then yoga. Later on I learned all I could about meditation, guided imagery and medical hypnosis. Which technique saved my life? The answer can only be: my exploration of the possibilities.

Simplicity

Arrange for some time to sit quietly in a place of refuge. Allow yourself to become calm and attentive, using breath to settle yourself in your body and heart.

Then in a gentle way review your current life. Bring to mind each of several areas, including work, your relationships or family, your finances, your leisure, your possessions, your goals, your spiritual life. One by one, as each area comes to mind, ask yourself the following questions: What would it be like to simplify this part of my life? What could I let go easily? What could I do to make this part of my life more quiet and simple?

Write about the choices that arise from within. At first, jot them down without censoring or editing. For now, just capture them on paper. Allow a great many ideas to emerge.

Later go back to read what you wrote. Notice which ideas feel comfortable and which feel difficult or frightening. The object is not to change anything immediately. In this moment you are simply noting where you desire more simplicity in your life and where this is possible. How can you make room for simplicity? Take the time to become aware of what steps you might take then make a resolution to make changes.

Reinforce the notion that simplicity is possible by choosing one idea and actually putting it into place. As you change your attitudes about your habits and lifestyle, it becomes easier to simplify.

Engage both sides of your brain

There is one writing technique that deserves a column of its own, and that is putting the pen or pencil in your non-dominant hand. When I first say that, people look at me funny. They say something like, ‘It’s hard to write that way and defeats the purpose of trying to get your emotions down on paper.’

But the purpose of therapeutic journaling is to help you understand how to look at life in new ways. If writing with the wrong hand is too hard at first, start out by doing other things that you don't normally do with your non-dominant hand. Brushing your teeth, eating lunch, dialing the telephone, flipping a coin, etc... By exercising both hands you are giving the opposite side of your brain a chance to perform. A right-handed person will always be using the left side of their brain and the other side will never get a chance to learn how to do certain activities. Allowing the non-dominate side of the brain to do activities it doesn't normally do will quickly create all sorts of new associations in that part of the mind. This is an easy exercise, and it has excellent results.

And so it is with journaling, it is an opportunity to find talents, joys and sorrows that were deeply covered over by the habits of a lifetime. Give yourself permission to go inside. You may be surprised by what you find if you open yourselves to the process.

Remember to trust your instincts too. At first, you may find that writing makes you feel worse, but do not get caught in a spiral of self-pity. If writing does not provide benefits or solutions, seek guidance from a doctor or professional counselor. Journaling is not a substitute for medical treatment. It is a method of self-help that has helped many people in a wide variety of situations.

In future posts, I will explore other writing methods.

Writing is a Great Way to Disengage

The first research studies in the 1980s showed that journaling about one’s deepest emotions had health benefits no one expected to find. Later studies questioned the writing process. How could expressive writing work so well? The researchers began to focus on “content” analysis. They evaluated the essays participants wrote, looking for the use of insight words, causal words and words associated with cognitive activity and found these types of words correlated with health benefits. The people who expressed more positive emotion (relative to negative emotion) enjoyed the greatest health benefits. Finding something good to write about, even when recalling negative experiences, helped people disengage from the trauma.

Here are a few writing techniques that help put distance or a new perspective on a difficult experience:

• Third-person point of view instead of “I said” change to “He said…she said.”
• Second-person point of view, “You said…”
• Humor/Satire, no one will read it, so let the jokes fly.
• Role Playing (take someone else’s part)

In future posts, I will explore more writing methods.

Pencil Experiments

Using a variety of writing techniques will make journaling more interesting and revealing. Here are four writing methods that can help you get at the heart of a matter:

• Write a fan letter to yourself. People often are more considerate of others than they are to themselves. Take the time to nurture yourself and appreciate all your accomplishments. You have been braver than you realized. Though you were scared you managed to do wonderful things for yourself and others. You do not need to mail the letter to obtain the health benefits of writing, but this time consider actually mailing the letter. When you open the envelope, it can reinforce a sense of accomplishment.
• Rapid writing or stream of consciousness is meant to capture whatever bubbles up from the subconscious mind. Start writing about your favorite color or time of the year and then follow the connections wherever they take you.
• Consider writing play dialogue, using the present tense. It will amaze you how the dramatic format taps into feelings. Step into character. Create or recreate a conflict and then resolve it. This may help you find the emotions that lurk just below the surface.
• Or create a self dialogue between the inner and outer person. Let your inner self tell higher intelligence anything that needs to be said.

In future posts, I will explore other writing methods designed to help you relieve stress and create a better sense of awareness.

Talking vs Writing

There are times when even the most emotionally open person will want to write about their feelings. For example, when a person is confused about what he would like to do. Writing helps to achieve clarity without the influence of other people. Consider the advantages of talking and writing, and use both to improve the quality of your life.

Talking	Writing
Talk is learned earlier in life. It is automatic.	Writing must be taught.
It takes less effort to speak than write, but either way of increasing understanding and insight reduces stress and enhances a healthy lifestyle.	Writing takes some thought. Increasing understanding and insight reduces stress and enhances a healthy lifestyle.
Talk is spontaneous.	Writing is deliberate. Rewriting to create a coherent story produces benefits.
Talk depends on the social context. (Acceptance from listeners is crucial to talk becoming therapeutic.)	Writing is independent. It is therapeutic if it allows you to experience your emotions.
Unless it is tape recorded, talking doesn’t leave a record.	Writing can be as permanent as desired. When people in studies expanded their stories to include positive emotion words, it predicted better health in the upcoming months.
Speech has simpler syntax and grammar.	Because it is more complex, there is more retention in reading and writing.
Talking is influenced by the personal presence of others. This can be either good or bad.	Writing promotes self-awareness, free from outside influences. It allows you to reconcile events in ways you can be comfortable with.

Journaling Allows You to Create a Private Space

Each of us has a different idea of happiness. Each of us has certain items that speak to us as a token of fulfillment. We strive so hard to overcome life’s problems we don’t take the time to treat ourselves with kindness. Journaling means giving ourselves permission to go inside. Writing helps us define what comforts and inspires us.

Try this: Number a page from 1 to 25. List twenty-five things that represent contentment. Don’t take the time to rank them in any order of importance; just capture the first 25 things that come to mind. For example:

1. Green tea
2. Extra pillows on the bed
3. Toys for the children who visit
4. Family photos
5. An herb garden that attracts butterflies, and so on.

When finished, scan your list and select a symbol that you can use to celebrate contentment. Pick something meaningful to you, an item that conjures up one of the best times you’ve ever had. Then when you sit down to write, think of the journal as this symbol. Use it to bring back the feeling of contentment and make it part of your current experience. If you reinforce this symbol of contentment, you will be able to recall and use it when you need to relax.

The Role of Intention

Whatever reasons you have for writing in your journal, you can get more out of the experience if you start with an intention. Take a moment to think about what you hope to gain from journaling.

Write your intention down on the first page of your journal, if you like, but then place the goal in the back of your mind. Don’t worry about how you’re going to achieve it. Try to tap into the power of the subconscious. The mind and body relegate a good deal of high-level, sophisticated thinking to what is called the adaptive unconscious, which does an excellent job of sizing up the world, influencing our emotions, or initiating action.

Now that you have an intention, let go of it. Trust that small answers will gradually start to add up, and eventually something will click. Your mind may hand you a solution in a eureka moment. Maybe not today. Be patient with the process. Open up to the possibility that the subconscious and the body possess an internal wisdom. Give yourself permission to tap into the power inside.

Let Healing Happen

When you go to a doctor, he prescribes a medication for you to take, or a treatment you will undergo, your body starts the healing process before the medicine is in your system or the exercise or surgical procedure has taken place. For most people, just seeing a doctor gives confidence that healing will occur. Depending on the patient’s cultural background, this is true whether the physician is a neurosurgeon at the Mayo Clinic or a tribal witch doctor. What happens is that healing starts when you believe it will occur. Your mind buys into it and your body makes it happen. The great physician and humanitarian, Dr. Albert Schweitzer, said, "The witch doctor succeeds for the same reason all the rest of us (medical doctors) succeed. Each patient carries his own doctor inside himself. They come to us not knowing that truth. We are at our best when we give the doctor who resides within each patient a chance to go to work."

Exceptional Cancer Patients

Any cancer patient interested in learning more about the advances being made in diagnsis and treatment should read CURE magazine. Cancer patients can receive a free subscription by signing up at: http://www.curetoday.com/. The magazine focuses on updates, research, and education for cancer patients and survivors. The Winter, 2005 issue has an article called, “Diagnostic Tools.” A small excerpt from that article talks about the exceptional recovery of a patient named Mr. Carley:

When Carley awoke from his third surgery, the surgeon told him that he had 38 tumors ranging in size from a marble to a golf ball. "He said they just closed me back up because there was nothing they could do. But I remember him saying, ‘Chris, they’re always coming up with new treatments.’ "

Five months later he began taking Gleevec. Within a month his tumors vanished, a response his physicians described as "jaw-dropping." Now a 10-year survivor with eight grandchildren, Carley has since founded the Chicago chapter of the Lance Armstrong Foundation and the Carley Cancer Research Center.

The gentleman that they gave as an example, Mr. Carley, sounds like one of the exceptional cancer patients we sometimes hear about, who defy the odds. The CURE article doesn’t go into the specifics of how he made such a remarkable recovery. If he followed the pattern of other exceptional patients, he had social support, expressed his emotions, asserted his basic needs without endangering his relationships, and he felt empowered, first by participating in his recovery and, in his case, after his treatment by finding something that he got excited about doing.

• Social Support can come from family, friends, church, or a cancer support group, which are available in most areas. If your medical facility doesn’t provide a support group, you may want to volunteer to start one. When I started a journaling support group, I got more out of it than anyone else.
• Expressing emotions is possible by talking to a professional or family OR by writing a journal. People are surprised by the notion that they should express their deepest feelings, but research has shown that doing so is essential to recovering from cancer.
• Empowerment happens in a different way for each patient. It can be as simple as guided meditation or as complex as beginning a research center like Mr. Carley. Bringing a sense of control back into the one’s life is the third trait of exceptional cancer patients.
• And finally, exceptional patients have a passion for living. They find something that brings them joy, and they pursue it with renewed vigor.

Carley founded a research center, but the rest us can’t or won’t want to do that. What we can do is find things that comfort us. I chose a symbol of comfort (something very meaningful to me) and keep it near my bed. Each time I see that symbol I remember that everything in life can work out well. Then to bring back a sense of control I chose to do things for myself that bolster the immune system. For me, that was as simple as eating more foods that contain antioxidants and practicing yoga. I believe that it is not as important what a person chooses to do, as it is to investigate what feels right, to trust one’s intuition, and then to actually make some kind of physical change. Putting a symbol of comfort by my bed reminds me, “all can be well.” If I practice yoga three times a week, it becomes an affirmation that, all is well.

Undo Stress

One theory of the mind/body connection is that thoughts and feelings are chemical. Every thought and feeling translates itself into a complex set of chemical triggers that cause neurons to fire. Even healthy, well-adjusted people have trouble dealing with life’s daily assaults. If we could reconstruct life’s events, we could also change the structure and pattern of brain activity and, in the process, minimize stress. When we are under fire, our bodies react with a “fight or flight” response. Blood is redirected to the arms and legs, preparing either to fight or run away. In this state, it is much harder for the mind to be productive, and the stress hormones the body produces make us more susceptible to illness.

As a practical matter, we cannot reconstruct our lives or undo physiological changes that happen without our knowledge or consent. We can, however, lessen the long-term harm with a variety of relaxation techniques. One of the ways that is receiving increased attention is journaling. Writing can help release stress and return us to a more healthy state. It can also capture, increase and allow us to relive the pleasure of happy times.