Invasion of privacy--above and beyond

Anyone who picks up The Private Writings of the "Saint of Calcutta" has to wonder how Mother Teresa would view becoming a hot topic ten years after her death. The 2007 book was edited and published by the priest who is serving as postulator of the Cause of Beatification and Canonization of Mother Teresa of Calcutta. The reason given for the publication is to show the "depth and intensity of her holiness."

But many of the passages are from letters sent to her spiritual advisers and, while they are not protected as private under the sacred right of confession, she constantly begged her spiritual directors to destroy the correspondence. The letters show her confusion, pain, and sense of desolation, and many were written at the suggestion of her superiors. It is understandable why she not want her deepest thoughts known. And why she would expect repeated requests to be honored.

The purpose of the book is to show the mystical nature of her faith and devotion to service. When I started to post this blog, I was going to quote some of these dark passages. However, reading them again I decided that her wish for privacy should be respected.

Let your light shine

One of the best human traits is the longing for fulfillment. We aspire to achieve. We strive to reach new heights. This allows us to change the world. But this longing is troublesome when fear or doubts interfere with our yearnings. Life experience may have taught that it's better to play safe. Habitual thoughts, fear, or conflict can keep us in the shadows.

So how can we move into the light? The answer is different for each individual, but a great way to start is through creative expression. A fresh, authentic approach is needed. For artists, creativity may be inborn. The rest of us can learn how to tap into the source of creativity. Any of the arts can help, but in this blog we concentrate on writing.

Expressive writing has many benefits. Journals and diaries can remain private, so there is no need to worry about letting go and making a full, honest disclosure. The ideas are fixed on paper or other storage media, making them visible as long as we want. We can go back to them later. See what we expressed when it was especially meaningful to do so. We can see patterns and progress. If necessary, we can take the inner thoughts to a trusted counselor to get help with the process of discovery and wellbeing. Writing is a great way to face and then understand problems, so we can discover way to move forward -- into the light.

Anonymous Author

I don’t know who the author was; I don’t really want to. It seems appropriate that the author of “The Devil Invents Breast Cancer” remains anonymous.

I was looking through the notebooks I put together for the therapeutic support group at the local cancer center and came across the essay that another patient handed to me. It is impossible to pass the page containing this essay without stopping to reread it.

The writer, a breast cancer patient, wrote a creative essay about a meeting she envisioned taking place between the Devil and his demons. In it, Satan and his subordinates plotted ways to make modern women aware of the Devil’s existence—the solution they devised was breast cancer. They gleefully approved all the physical assaults that accompany aggressive treatment. Many professional authors would envy this writer; perhaps she is a professional writer. The irony of her work comes from a sophisticated, yet resigned awareness. She contrasts what happens with what should be. The pathos is controlled. The moral of the story builds without sentimentality. The author points out women lose control of their bodies; their hair falls out; they are unable to do things for their families. But the Devil fails when bonds with loved ones are strengthened, and the love they value most increases.

The author deserves accolades for creating this moving essay. But that was not the point. The point was personal healing. And writing privately then sharing with only a select few accomplishes everything the author set out to do.

Dear Cancer

Lately I've read a number of letters written to you, many of them angry. I also corresponded with an ad agency person who thought he might put up a website that collected 'dear cancer' letters. Personally, I think that sort of letter is better kept private. Not that posting the details of illness or anger are a problem; people do it all the time. But emotional writing done privately has been shown to be more therapeutic. Coming to terms one-on-one is the real goal. If someone writes for publication, are they being completely open and honest in the disclosure? It has to be hard, nearly impossible, to ignore what others will think. How others might react. The writer inevitably has to write with readers in mind.

Having cancer demands a new level of openness. The real disclosing happens between the disease and the survivor. Learning to overcome the notion 'I have cancer' is something that takes place between mind, body, and spirit, not over the Internet. Not on posts. Not in blogs. It happens like handwritten letters used to, slowly, through a concerted effort.

Come with me, Cancer. You and I have a few things to discuss....

Bring Forth What is Within You

The Gospel of Thomas, from the Nag Hammadi Library, advises us to access the spirit within. Saying number 70 tell us:

"When you bring forth that which is within yourselves, this that you have shall save you. If you do not have that within yourselves, this which you do not have within you will kill you." (English translation by Ecumenical Coptic Project.)

Another translation by Thomas O. Lambdin: "That which you have will save you if you bring it forth from yourselves. That which you do not have within you will kill you if you do not have it within you."

The original work, the translations and commentaries are meant to be taken in a spiritual sense. They teach that salvation is within us. What religion does not recognize a divine presence within humankind? And what religion doesn't bring forth what's inside? None of them would exist if members didn't express the joy and redemption in prayer, song, and the written word.

But let's take saying number 70 one step further. Let's connect our spiritual sides with the emotional and the physical. Expressing -- or bringing forth -- what is within us can also save us emotionally and physically. What we resist persists, but giving the inner being a means to express itself is associated with healing and quality of life. And what life is meaningful without defining and expressing its worth by speaking, singing, and writing?

Pick up a pen or pencil and write a list of five traits you have that make life worth living. Embrace these facets of your personality by defining them. Writing down their meaning reinforces their value and makes them a larger part of your life experience.

The Journaling Buzz

Millions of blogs fight for readership. Thousands of writers create new ones every day. Not here. I don’t know how many hits my blog gets and don’t care. The purpose I have is not to make my writing stand out. My real audience is only one person. Yep, where I journal it’s all about me. The rest of the world’s bloggers have a daunting task, but I don’t strive to stand out in the crowd. My goal in writing is to stand away from the crowd. To write for myself. In fact, privacy is so important that the real writing takes place in a secluded spot, gets entered into a book, and then tucked away in a special place. When some problem keeps me awake at night or worries me in ways that interfere with more important things, I hash out the difficulty on the page. I use an archaic implement — a pen. By defining the problem, I deal with it. By putting it down on paper without outside influences or goals, the real purpose is served. I rest easier and find the energy to go out and create, not a buzz, but a real life.

Flexible and Healthy

I recently discovered The Resiliency Center, directed by Al Siebert, PhD. His website shows the results of his research, and he tells us that "life's best survivors value being flexible, resilient, and adaptable above any other quality."

It's not easy to be flexible. But Dr. Siebert tells us that is healthy to not to be rigid. He recommends that we cultivate paradoxical traits. To me, his advice translates into replacing the conjunction "but" with "and."

The power of and means uniting desirable traits normally viewed as separate. It means making connections no one else is making. For example, it requires us to see where suffering and joy intersect. (A life designed to maximize joy is much different from one that is meant to minimize pain.) If we think about it for a while, the two experiences often come together. Hopefully with joy as the second outcome.

Here are some other contradictions that are related in ways not immediately apparent:

• Poor and Wealthy
• Demanding and Caring
• Committed and Flexible
• Idealistic and Practical
• Passionate and Prudent
• Emotional and Rational
• Being and Doing
• Success and Fulfillment
• Individual and Inclusive
• Rigorous and Fun
• Transformed and Grounded
• Physical and Spiritual
• Chronically Ill and Well

Dr. Siebert reveals that "Paradoxical traits are, at the psychological level, like the opposing muscles in your body that contract and extend. Your ability to control how you move and react comes from being at the choice point between counter-balanced forces." His instructions to people who want to cultivate flexibility is to write a list "of all the ways in which you are both one way and the opposite. The more the pairs of opposites the better. Validate opposing qualities. Tell yourself, for example, ‘It is all right to be both optimistic and pessimistic.’”

To that I would add that the process of looking for ways to be flexible and defining them in ways that are personally meaningful are a healthy step everyone should take.

Write an Affirmation

Affirmations can help change beliefs that have persisted for a long time. Writing an affirmation reinforces it. Repeating it to oneself can build and improve positive qualities. Affirmations function like cruise control on a car. Whether we’re up or down emotionally, an affirmation can move us forward.

Affirmations are stated in the presence tense, even if the statement is not yet true. To say “I will” puts a goal off to an undetermined time in the future. The present tense is more effective.

Here are some examples:

• I am worthy of the good things in life.
  
• I attract warm and loving people into my life.
• I am filled with joy and laughter.
• I am lovable.

Affirmations have many uses and come in as many forms as people have needs and desires. When used daily, they help keep thoughts positive and build qualities we wish to have. Take a few moments to write down three affirmations you could use in your life. Keep them simple. Whatever keeps you going in the right direction toward a goal is valid. Use them to counteract doubts.