Flexible and Healthy

I recently discovered The Resiliency Center, directed by Al Siebert, PhD. His website shows the results of his research, and he tells us that "life's best survivors value being flexible, resilient, and adaptable above any other quality."

It's not easy to be flexible. But Dr. Siebert tells us that is healthy to not to be rigid. He recommends that we cultivate paradoxical traits. To me, his advice translates into replacing the conjunction "but" with "and."

The power of and means uniting desirable traits normally viewed as separate. It means making connections no one else is making. For example, it requires us to see where suffering and joy intersect. (A life designed to maximize joy is much different from one that is meant to minimize pain.) If we think about it for a while, the two experiences often come together. Hopefully with joy as the second outcome.

Here are some other contradictions that are related in ways not immediately apparent:

• Poor and Wealthy
• Demanding and Caring
• Committed and Flexible
• Idealistic and Practical
• Passionate and Prudent
• Emotional and Rational
• Being and Doing
• Success and Fulfillment
• Individual and Inclusive
• Rigorous and Fun
• Transformed and Grounded
• Physical and Spiritual
• Chronically Ill and Well

Dr. Siebert reveals that "Paradoxical traits are, at the psychological level, like the opposing muscles in your body that contract and extend. Your ability to control how you move and react comes from being at the choice point between counter-balanced forces." His instructions to people who want to cultivate flexibility is to write a list "of all the ways in which you are both one way and the opposite. The more the pairs of opposites the better. Validate opposing qualities. Tell yourself, for example, ‘It is all right to be both optimistic and pessimistic.’”

To that I would add that the process of looking for ways to be flexible and defining them in ways that are personally meaningful are a healthy step everyone should take.

Write an Affirmation

Affirmations can help change beliefs that have persisted for a long time. Writing an affirmation reinforces it. Repeating it to oneself can build and improve positive qualities. Affirmations function like cruise control on a car. Whether we’re up or down emotionally, an affirmation can move us forward.

Affirmations are stated in the presence tense, even if the statement is not yet true. To say “I will” puts a goal off to an undetermined time in the future. The present tense is more effective.

Here are some examples:

• I am worthy of the good things in life.
  
• I attract warm and loving people into my life.
• I am filled with joy and laughter.
• I am lovable.

Affirmations have many uses and come in as many forms as people have needs and desires. When used daily, they help keep thoughts positive and build qualities we wish to have. Take a few moments to write down three affirmations you could use in your life. Keep them simple. Whatever keeps you going in the right direction toward a goal is valid. Use them to counteract doubts.